you wake and poof, a letter awaits!
you read each delicious word before hopping in the shower where you scrub away your filth and thank your lucky stars that someone, somewhere has finally discovered a use for the internet. you wonder in amazement at the sleight-of-hand that must be involved in the drafting of each letter.
however, you, dear reader, have been deceived!
consider, if you will, the actual steps involved in writing each and every letter:
1. i have to live through the events that will be recounted in loving detail.
2. someone must suffer along with me during this process.
3. ample time must pass for the significance of each encounter to sink in. during this time it becomes my responsibility to remember to breath, eat, and sleep in order to arrive, one glorious moment, at the actual writing stage.
4. i then have to struggle to find the words which will best relay the wonders of my amazing life so that you may comprehend and appreciate it to the best of your ability.
5. after each letter is written, it is hand delivered to your inbox by yours truly.
6. i then retire to my bed where i toss and turn, contemplating the depth of your impending enjoyment at living vicariously through me. will you be happy? i wonder. have i served you well?
7. asleep at last, i dream of the coming day, when i again may awaken and take solid pixels and carve them into a loving letter for your everlasting enjoyment.
how, you think, can i ever repay him?
simple! with the use of the other useful web site on the internet: paypal.com.
that's right! using your credit card, and paypal's secure connection, you can donate as little as $1 to the victory shag relief fund. so don't count on those other shaggers to do what is surely your duty. you are the only one who truly appreciates me. (and yes, even a single dollar is helpful. though remember, i would never impose a cap on your generosity.)
p.s. don't have a paypal account? sign up, now. they're free!