i expected him to ask me the question back. i knew the answer of course and was ready for it. but he didn't ask.

instead he said that one of the reasons he hated the "numbers" question was because he never could clearly define what was and wasn't sex. "what's your definition?" he asked.

i told him i didn't know what the big deal was. sex was sex. intercourse.

"so, penis-vagina intercourse is sex and that's it?"

"well, of the things i've done, yeah."

"blow jobs?"

"what about them?"

"sex or not sex?"

"not sex."

"what then?"

"blow jobs are part of making out."

"you're kidding, right?"

"no."

"so you don't consider the guys you've given blow jobs to as sex partners?"

"good god, no. if i did that it'd be like calling myself a slut. whereas, if i leave those guys in the making out category then i'm at a respectable three."

"so, thanks to semantics you're practically a virgin."

i laughed but he was being serious. antagonistic, even.

"look," i told him, "our generations are just different. your generation has 'bases' as an analogy. my generation has no idea what second base is. or third. my generation has 'yes and no.'"

"singles and homers."

"if it makes it easier for you to think of it that way then i guess. but we don't call it that."

he thought i was just trying to downplay my adventures and said that he was going to check with one of his other younger female friends and see if she agreed with me. i told him to let me know what she said.

the garbages in the dog park are the stankiest places on earth. Fletcher did his business and i bagged it and made my way over to the steaming cube. like most people, i kept my distance and tossed the bag. unfortunately, today my aim was off. i didn't even hit the rim. so i had to get in closer and drop it in.

"don't quit your day job."

i turned and saw that the voice belonged to a guy with a vizsla. i'd seen him around and always thought he looked cute. he smiled at me and dropped his dog's doodle into the can. i remembered my earlier promise to myself and bolted for the park exit.

next

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