i can't count the number of conversations i've had where someone was arguing that this or that was sex but that or this wasn't.

early on, before we started dating, i asked dobbs the question i think all girls ask guys: number of partners.* he hemmed and hawed saying he hated that question (don't they all?). he said that it was a pointless question and that he didn't count. i didn't believe him, of course, but then he said that he could count, if i insisted.

"okay."

"you really want me to count my lovers?"

"yes."

"tell you what. how about if i do this instead: how about if i name every woman who i've 'met' that's had an impression on me--that had a hand in molding me and making me who i am. some of them were lovers. others weren't. and some of my lovers won't be on the list because they don't fit the criteria."

"okay." this i had to see.

and then he did it. he rambled off a list of names that i simply could not believe. the list had some names i recalled him mentioning before and some i didn't.it started with his grandmother and mother. it had famous women on it (i remember Audrey and Kate Hepburn were on the list, as were Billie Holiday, Etta James [mp3], and Ida Lupino). it had two Cindys, two Carolines, and one Hanna on it. there was an Olya, an Alex, a Shawna and about nine Jennifers, "and," he made sure to distinguish "one Jenny."

it was then and there that i decided i would make the list for when the next woman asked.

next

* anything starred was asked or suggested by a reader.

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